Desert Flower
by Cryysis
Summary: He wasn't thinking about what he really needed to be thinking about, and when the time finally came for him to do so, he wished he'd been dreaming. BalthierVaan/Dr.CidVaan
1. Chapter 1

**Inspired by **fiercesunshine's **sentence-story response Sandstorm. Specifically, #92.**

**Disclaimer: Own the idea, but not FFXII.**

**Warning: Rape, lime, slightly disturbing themes. **

**BaltheirXVaan**

_____________________________________________________________________

_92. Rape_

'_It's funny,' Vaan thinks, 'the things you get used to when you're an orphan in a conquered empire.'_

As the Desert Flower, Vaan knew the darker sides to hume lust, had been on the receiving end of it one to many times in order to keep the war-orphaned kids of Rabanastre safe from the same destructive force.

Only Penelo, the Imperials, and two Imperials who weren't really Imperials knew about his title, and he planned on keeping it that way. So he didn't think about it when Balthier pulled him aside and told him he loved him.

And he didn't think about it when he'd smiled and kissed the Sky Pirate in turn, hoping he'd see the message beneath in press of lips. _'I love you, to…' _Unfortunately, he was forced to think about it for a moment then, but only for a moment, before it was forgotten.

He'd gotten the shock of his life when Balthier admitted to him that his Father, and thus him as well, was an Imperial (though it wasn't until a while later that he'd get the real one).

And he hadn't been thinking about it when Balthier half teasingly asked him one day why he had never told him he loved him. For an answer, he just gave him a mysterious smile and a kiss that led to their first night of passion, and when they finally both caved into oblivion, Vaan wasn't thinking about it when, so quietly Baltheir almost missed it, he whispered those three words softly into his ear.

Vaan wasn't thinking about how many Imperials he'd have to service (all but the one he wanted) the night they went back to Rabanastre for a few days of rest. And he wasn't thinking of anything except for how happy he was when Barbahk, a high-ranking Imperial who wasn't an Imperial, hugged him from behind and told him he could have the night off.

But he was thinking about it when someone came up behind Barkbahk, the Imperial who wasn't an Imperial, and tapped him on the shoulder before eyeing Vaan appreciatively and smiling. And he was forced to think about it when, this Imperial who was higher-ranking then his high-ranking non-Imperial, told Barbahk he could go, as he was sure 'this handsome young boy wouldn't mind showing him around instead.'

Vaan was thinking about it as he showed this higher-ranked Imperial, who had introduced himself as Dr. Cid, all the nooks and crannies that only an orphan would know. And he was thinking about it when Dr. Cid took him out for lunch and told him he was having dinner with him that night. He couldn't really refuse.

He was thinking about what this 'Dr. Cid' could do to him when he finally dragged the boy off to bed, and was eerily surprised when there was nothing asked of him except that he sleep. However, even without knowing, he knew it was not to be the same the next day.

He wasn't thinking about it when he got a letter that after noon saying that his gracious host would be expecting him that night, and to bring some other clothes with him that would last for a few days. And he wasn't thinking about it when Balthier stormed into their shared cabin on the _Strahl_ demanding answers to questions he couldn't ask (at least not at their current location).

But he was forced to think about, around the person he never wanted to think about it around, when he lead Baltheir through Giza Plains and towards the Crystal Glade so there was no chance they could be over-heard.

He was forced to think about it as Balthier glared darkly at him, and with a voice hoarse from burning rage, asked him why he had seen him with the good 'Dr. Cid' yesterday at lunch, and why he hadn't come back until early this morning.

And the need to tell him, the need to let it all out before he lost him couldn't be quenched by the duty he felt towards those war-orphans, and really, with those eyes staring at him so fiercely, he wasn't afraid to admit that he was afraid of his one-time lover. So he did what he had to do.

He ran.

Even though he was a boy born from the desert, and Balthier a natural city-dweller, there was no out-running those impeccably long legs. Baltheir grabbed him and Vaan turned back to give himself better ability to yank away from him. But they both miscalculated, and Vaan fell back, landing with a hard _thud_ on the sand, and Baltheir fell just as swiftly on-top of him.

With a noticeable wince, he tried to push the other off, but found both his hands caught in one, and the end point of Sirius, the gun he'd gotten Balthier as a gift, pointed under his chin. He thought his heart was going to stop when the safety catch went off, and his eyes, amazingly calm through-out the entire ordeal, met his lovers.

And when Balthier demanded from him again to answer, or get shot instead, Vaan was thinking about what he had given to this man, and what he had given to numerous other men, yet both for different reasons. And the look in Balthier's eyes as he made the demand for a third and final time told him that if he didn't say _something_, he'd send him over the edge.

So he told him. He told him about the orphans, he told him about the title, he told him about the Imperials and the ones who weren't really Imperials, he told him about what happened yesterday, and the night that came after it. He told him everything.

And Balthier was speechless. He was wide-eyed, staring at him as if he'd just spoken complete and total gibberish. But then he did something, something Vaan hadn't been expecting.

Balthier… Was _crying_.

And then it was Vaan's turn to be awe-struck, his own eyes wide as two drops fell almost simultaneously on his cheeks, his lovers lips coming down to meet his in the most apologetic kiss he'd ever received (even though he could count the number of them on one hand).

When it was over (_don't let it end yet, let me get lost for just a little bit longer…_), Balthier stood, bring Vaan up with him, and he kissed him again. This time when he pulled away, Balthiers eyes where fierce with something else, something that shone brighter that shoved a string of hope into Vaan's heart that wasn't supposed to be there.

He promised he'd save him. He'd take him from it, he'd take him from it all. Forget the Princess, forget the Dawn Shard, forget the Sword of Kings, forget it all. They merely had to get Fran and they'd be gone, as if they'd never been there in the first place.

And Vaan only gave him that same mysterious, sad smile. And he told him again of the threat to the orphans. He told him again how he was the only defense they had. And Balthier took him in his arms and held him, and Vaan clung to him like a life-line. All he could think to do was apologize, apologize for everything, for nothing, for Dr. Cid…

And then Balthier asked him something. He asked him to do whatever he could, do whatever it took, to not sleep with him. And in case Balthier was still listening despite his mutterings, Vaan told him he'd try. At the very least, he could do that.

And Balthier, knowing what he knew, couldn't ask anymore.

(-)(-)(-)

They where unaware of the Imperial who wasn't supposed to be an Imperial (the second one, Vrahm) watching them, and they remained unaware as he took off to tell Dr. Cid that he'd found the Desert Flower with his missing son. And he knew the good doctor wasn't going to be happy.

(-)(-)(-)

Vaan wasn't thinking about what he would have to do over the next few days as he walked towards the airship containing the higher-ranking Imperial then his high-ranking Imperial. And he wasn't thinking about what he would be doing when Dr. Cid stepped out and met him at the door, even held it open for him.

He wasn't thinking that night, as the higher-ranking Imperial moved in him, and he wasn't thinking as he heard muttered words, but he began panicking when he could no longer see, could barely understand, couldn't do anything at all. And he wasn't able to think of what he was doing as Dr. Cid took his hand and made him write words that he would never see. And he wasn't able to think when Dr. Cid put him to sleep.

And the next morning, he wasn't able to think about anything but the note that was lying beside his new bed.

_If you try to escape, all your companions will die. And when it's Balthier's turn, I'll let you be the one to pull the trigger._

And so he remained unthinking as he fly in the air on an airship besides the _Strahl_, and he couldn't hear the crazed scream of his one-time lover as he read his own note, saying that Vaan would _never_ be coming back, with Dr. Cid's neat signature inches below.

**Sequel? Tell me if you want one. Definite possibility with this.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here's the sequel you asked for. Different format, more confusing, but I think you all will like it. Spelling mistakes in the names of places, I'm sure. Couldn't remember, and I couldn't successfully find it. Sorry!**

**_____________________________________________________________________________________**

It took them three days to get to Archadia, only to find that neither Vaan nor Cid had returned to the city. This only made them worry more; if someone had seen them, they could alter the doctor to the fact that they were searching, endangering them all.

Another month passed, full of non-stop searches, before word finally reached them: The Lhusu Mines in Bhujerba. When the two had arrived there, no one knew, but Cid had been seen multiple times going in and out of the Mines the last few weeks.

So they hunted the Mines mercilessly, going as far back as possible… And almost wishing they hadn't. Oh, they'd found him, though Cid was no-where in sight. If he had been… After looking at the desert boy, he was sure he'd have killed his father then and there.

He was sleeping, so far as they could tell. They were so far back that no monster (except Cid) would have ever found they boy. So they wouldn't have smelled the fresh blood oozing from still-bleeding wounds, they wouldn't have known of the fresh meat (that wasn't really fresh) waiting for them should they have chosen to take it.

He was bruised badly, most of them still black, purple, and blue, very few of them beginning to yellow. His arms where pulled tight above his head, held there by shackles. Slices adorned his scratched and bruised skin, blood still gushing despite the crusted remains that should have turned to scabs. Taking in a view of his entire body, they saw the littered gashes carelessly healed, leaving swelting red scars that would stay with him for the rest of his life. The light given off by the nethicite had drained the color from his face, leaving him paler then the bitter cold snow atop Mt. Omnisase. He'd grown thin, dirt dug into his wounds, covering his body and rags that at one time might have been clothes. He looked more vulnerable then Balthier had ever thought possible.

They where gentle as they took him out, avoiding monsters and having no choice but to flee when they couldn't. Vaan slept the whole way, and if wasn't for the light breathing that blew on his neck (he refused to think it was the wind, Vaan was _breathing_, dammit!), they'd have thought the boy dead.

No one noticed Penelo's quiet despair, nor her thankfulness that it hadn't been worse than the last time.

They waited 'til night set on the floating city before taking their leave, flying towards the Ozmone Plane, faster than the waking dawn could ever hope to rise on its shattered, grassy floors.

(-)(-)(-)

Vaan didn't wake for another two days, and the multiple Cure spells had healed some of the more serious wounds.

When he woke, Vaan knew immediately that he was no longer in captivity, though his eyes remained closed. There was no absolute silence, just the gentle buzz of an engine, and the comforting feel of blankest and a bed. He supposed he ought to open his eyes now…

He did open them, but the sight before him wasn't one he'd been expecting. He'd thought it would be Barbahk who rescued him, as the note had never mentioned him, but instead…

Balthier.

This wasn't good. Not at all. If Balthier was the one who broke him out… Cid wouldn't be far behind.

He was lucky the other was sleeping. The bags under his eyes told him the sky pirate was probably as tired as he felt. He quietly sat up in bed, taking a look around. It was early in the morning, the sun had only just risen. Not even Basch would be up yet.

He quietly lifted himself from the bed, careful not to make a sound as the door slid open, closing with a small 'click' as he entered the hall. Yet just as he was headed towards the main control room, the sliding door across the hall opened to him, and Penelo stepped out, blocking his path.

"Pen." He frowned, eyeing her warily.

"Vaan." She crossed her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes lightly at her long time friend.

"You should be in bed."

"So should you."

This wasn't good. He didn't need to drag his problems to them. "Pen, I can't stay. You know that. If Cid finds me—"

"Yeah, yeah, I know. We all die. Too bad for you, none of us really care." Her eyes softened. "You can't leave, Vaan. We won't let you. _I'm_ not going to let you. And Balthier… Would you really do that to him? He took it harder than any of us did."

"… I know he did." Vaan couldn't meet her eyes, he stared at the ground. "I know more about why he did then you ever could. But Penelo… My staying here puts you all in danger, even more so now. I don't want to be a weapon used against him. I don't want to be a danger to him."

"Well that's all well and good, but I don't see how leaving will help you reach that end."

Vaan shot to attention, turning to look at the sky pirate of conversation, who stared back at him coolly. Balthier looked pointedly at Penelo, who smiled knowingly and mock saluted him, going back to her room.

Vaan gulped lightly, glancing over at his one-time lover out of the corner of his eye. Balthier raised an eyebrow, motioning for the other to follow him towards the helm. Vaan did as he was bid to, leaning back on the sliding door as it closed behind him. "What is it?"

"Tell me, what were you thinking when you left the room? What would _drive_ you to…"

"To leave?"

"Yes." He turned to the younger, reaching a hand up to stroke his cheek with the back of his fingers. He smiled lightly as Vaan tilted his head to the touch, but it soon faded. "I did not know you to be cruel, Vaan. You hold my heart with you, and yet you would leave, tearing it from me."

"No, Balthier…" He bit his lip, closing his eyes. "I could never be cruel to you..."

"Then don't leave me." His hands cupped his young lovers face, pressing their foreheads together, closing his eyes. "We can avoid Cid. We'll have to meet up with him eventually, but we can avoid him until then."

Vaan's hands came up, his fingertips gently tracing over the others jaw, resting on his wrists. "If I stay, we'll be hunted even more than before."

"Your point?" He opened his eyes, waiting for the other to open his own so his gaze could bore into them. "What more can they do, Vaan? We'll lay low for a while, wait until you're just a memory to them. Then we'll continue on our quest."

Vaan knew very well what they could do, but he wouldn't share it with him. "All right. But only if we stay in Rabanstre."

Balthier smiled. "Done. Now get back in bed, you're still healing."

Vaan rolled his eyes. "Yes sir." He grinned lightly, leaning up to give the man a quick, sound kiss before turning to go back to the room.

Something occurred to Balthier then, something he didn't want to ask, but knew he had to, or he'd only end up thinking it was worse than it actually was.

"Vaan?"

The desert boy stopped, turning to look back at him. "Yeah?"

"Why… You where just…" He couldn't describe what he'd seen. But by Vaan's understanding silence, he was sure the other knew what he meant. "How can you act like…"

"Like nothing happened…" He sighed, not really wanting to answer, but… It was Balthier asking, so… "Because this isn't the worst condition I've been in after something like this."

He couldn't breathe, he couldn't speak, it _didn't make sense— what could be worse than—_

… Desert Flower.

_No_…

"Penelo would remember it better than I would. If you want to know more, you'll have to ask her." When he got no response, he got worried. "Balthier?"

"I'm fine, Vaan… Get some sleep. I'll wake the others."

With a worried frown, he nodded. "Right." He left the other alone, going back to the room.

Balthier listened for the sound of the door to close. When it shut with that soft 'click', he fell back into his chair, burying his face in his hands. Worse… He'd been through _worse_… It made him sick.

He wouldn't, _couldn't_, ask Penelo what happened. And he wouldn't. Because he wasn't sure he'd be able to handle it. He could barely deal with this…

_Worse_...

Worse.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

**And there is your sequel. There MIGHT be more. Not sure. Depends on the response I get.**

**Review!**


End file.
